The government has approved a $500 billion emergency programme to protect the nation’s billionaires from the growing threat of being expected to cope alone.
Ministers said the country’s wealthiest citizens had become an “explosive minority group”: small in number, extremely concentrated, and capable of causing serious damage if handled carelessly.
Under the new programme, every billionaire will receive a publicly funded security detail, a tax-adjustment cushion, and a private number to call whenever a regulation creates “feelings of uncertainty.”
“We must protect those who create jobs,” said Finance Minister Elaine Prosper. “Especially when they have already created most of the jobs that pay too little to afford rent.”
The billionaire community welcomed the move. In a joint statement, several leading wealth holders reminded the public that they are essential to national stability.
“Without us, the country stops,” the statement said. “Who would own the infrastructure, influence the media, finance the politicians and then explain why none of this is influence?”
Officials said they took the warning seriously.
Independent research commissioned by the Ministry of Economic Confidence found that many billionaires now feel overlooked, despite being mentioned in newspapers, boardrooms, tax discussions and every conversation about why ordinary people should accept lower expectations.
The new protection package will be funded through “broad national participation,” meaning a small payroll deduction, adjusted public services and a temporary increase in the price of being poor.
Critics asked why people with more money than several cities need public protection.
The government replied that wealth brings unique vulnerabilities.
“A billionaire cannot simply walk into a supermarket and feel normal,” said Prosper. “Every loaf of bread raises difficult questions about whether someone else could have paid for it less efficiently.”
The package also includes a national awareness campaign urging citizens to avoid hostile language such as “fair share,” “rent controls” and “perhaps enough.”
At the launch, one billionaire thanked the government for listening.
“We merely ask that the country keeps working for us. As it always has.”
The audience applauded politely, having already paid for the event.